Model is me
Photographer is Pax
When i started dating my now fiance Pax, i received a huge amount of hate from members of the LGBTQI community calling me a fake lesbian, a straight girl, a bisexual girl….i received message after message of people trying to force on me what THEY wanted me to identify as in terms of my sexual orientation. Problem is, i am not bisexual. I am not pansexual. I am a lesbian who sometimes can develop feelings for a man. But this is not bisexuality, this is called being a homoflexible lesbian. The hate became so regular i have since added a disclaimer to my Faq saying not to message me in regards to my sexuality. I received so much hate i felt/feel cut out from the LGBTQI community even though i am still almost exclusively attracted to women. I love Pax both emotionally and physically, i should not be attacked for that. Most recently since getting engaged to Pax, i received hate mail from my ex girlfriend’s partner saying this:
: Now that you are marrying a man, I thought of a few url’s that would more accurately describe you; oopsimarriedaman, guessi’mstraightnow, ridedemdicksticks, lesbianism-ain’tcoolnow, dicklover4lyf, homoflexible-nowheteroalways, thoughtilikedtitties-nowlovindatdick, fuckthevag-marrythedick, ikissedaboyandilikedit, oopsithoughtdykemeantdick, i’mforgaymarriage-enoughtomarryaman, marryingamanislegal and letspretend-i’mstillasupportforgaymarriage. Feel free to add -recovery to the end of any of these
This message did not just offend and upset me but a large portion of my bisexual and pansexual followers. Just because a bisexual or pansexual woman marries a man it does not suddenly make her straight. It doesn’t change her sexual orientation, it just so happens they are in love with someone of the opposite gender.
Sexuality is fluid, very few people are either 100% gay or 100% straight, most people fit in somewhere between the two, we need to remember this and not attack people for simply falling in love.
According to radical feminists, trans* women are promoting rape if we say that lesbian dating spaces should not categorically exclude trans* women, even if we explicitly acknowledge that it’s okay for any particular cis woman to not be attracted to any particular trans* woman. But those same radical feminists tell cis women that they’re ethically obligated to be political lesbians.
oh, you say it’s ok for me not to want to have sex with you? i’m soooo glad i have your permission!!!
Ah, more radfem logic.
Radical Feminist: YOU WANT TO FORCE ME TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU!
Trans* Woman: Um, no. No, I don’t. I just want to be free to define my own sexuality, the same as you.
Radical Feminist: OH SO NOW YOU’RE IN CHARGE OF WHO GETS TO DEFINE MY SEXUALITY.
Trans* Woman: I’m not. You are. You’re in charge of your sexuality. That’s the point.
Radical Feminist: THERE YOU GO AGAIN.
Okay I need to say something here:
Is it just me or does most “radfem logic” basically look the same as some basement troll on 4chan? Like seriously this is the same type of troll logic you see spewing from the keyboards of the denizens of /b/. At least /b/ can be more creative at times because usually it just keeps going into Refuge into Audacity territory.
But that’s just my point. We don’t really pay attention to 4channers do we? Okay some do, but when I see that I usually just roll my eyes and quietly remind people not to feed the troll. I mean that’s the whole point, they get you riled up and keep milking that lulzcow until it’s all dried up. Don’t be the radfem’s lulzcow.
Yeah, yeah, I know it’s scary that people may actually believe the things they say (or perhaps not) and we want to, as a friend of mine pointed out, defend the precious political ground we have.
But you know what? Rather than operating on this busted dynamic of “owning a space of political rhetoric,” would our efforts not be more useful by talking directly to the people that we fear will listen to the radfems?
In almost any political and social justice fight the vast majority of people have not made up their minds yet and most just don’t realize there is an issue. Why not interact with those people and build center of understanding.
Or would we rather spend our energy being as useless and irrelevant as radfems? Think about it folks.
Telling my girlfriend that you are “also a lesbian trapped in a man’s body” is fucking offensive. You are a straight man, She is a gay trans woman. What is so hard about having some goddamn respect?
Recently this troll came on a queer/LGBTQIA centric Minecraft server I play on. It was pretty obvious he was a troll, he was just making explicit “jokes” about not being able to get off his boyfreind’s dick right after logging in. A real mature one. He eventually just said he was trolling and was straight (duh). Which is fine there are also allies who play there (but he was not an ally). He then said something along the lines of that he was a lesbian trapped in a guys body and thought it was a hilarious way to describe being a straight guy. We all just kinda ignored the joke and said, “oh so you’re trans*?” He was confused.
He also said that we should have a guild-title system where you start out with a title of straight, then bi, and eventually become gay. We did not find this amusing.